Screen (scream) time June 17, 2008

It is nearly 11 o’clock and I have spent hours slogging away at this %$*# computer trying to input all the stuff that e-MDs needs to do my ‘Quick Start’.  Seems like an ironic name to me!  I suppose if I were really up and running and just integrating an EMR into the mix it would be easier in some ways, of course I would be seeing a full day’s worth of patients and still doing this stuff so maybe I should stop complaining.  I am asked to provide all the insurance companies’ claims submission addresses and phone numbers.  You would think that would be easy to find on the web.  NOT SO!  These sly insurers are apparently not interested in receiving claims for service (and who can blame them) so if they have the address on the site at all it is buried on the ninety fifth link from the home page and even then it never has both the address and phone number listed!  Just paying their webmaster to hide the stuff must cost a bundle and jack up insurance rates and lower reimbursement rates…of course if you can’t even find out WHERE to send the claim they are livin large!  In the midst of the search, my mom called and I gave her the job of finding all this info for the 10 insurers or so that I participate with (that’ll teach her to call during my one free half hour of the day!).  Anyhoo, that freed me up to input the top 10 pharmacies with addresses and fax numbers (had to call each one for the fax) as well as design my schedule for each day, put in my top 25 codes for procedures I do in the office (e.g. vaccines, blood work, the visit itself), the top 25 codes for things I order out of the office (xrays, cultures, etc) and the top 25 diagnoses I use to bill for these procedures.  Whew!  Not to mention all the other demographic stuff and info about the hospitals and specialists I refer to.  If this is the ‘Quick Start’ I am afraid to go to training!  Audra from e-MDs got a few emails from me today as I was doing these forms and she took it all in stride.  Finally I asked her to look them over before they get formatted and put into my system since chances are something is royally screwed up!  She chuckled and reassured me. 

I have great news!  No, no one yet has won the free home visit (although thank you amy, robyn, marian, and kevin for sending me ideas)….but there is real movement at the office!  I went today and visited Mark and friends and while they were jammin to hard rock music they were putting up the metal stays that hold the framing in place and I could tell I was actually going to have an office!  WOO HOO!  Mark (god love this man) has worked his kiester off and is going to get stuff done AHEAD of schedule even with the last start!  I told him I would have a party for everyone that worked on this project to make it happen on time and he was number 1 on the invite list!  I will post new pictures tomorrow morning since it is sooo late tonight and I am bug eyed from the amount of screen time I have had today….why don’t the powers that be have limits on screen time for adults like the kids have…probably because we are supposed to know when enough is enough.  Soooo enough is enough!  Good night!

Eat, love and play and each day will be your best!

Molly O’Shea, MD  Birmingham Pediatrics + Wellness Center

www.birminghampediatrics.com

Win a free home visit! June 16, 2008

Ok I am starting to get nervous….I feel like Ty Pennington on Extreme Home Makeover when it is day three and a monsoon hits.  The power outage last week left my construction guy Mark with no way to work and on top of that, the city of Troy was slow in granting my permits.  Soooo, we are about a week off schedule.  I decided not to even go over to look at the site after Saturday until tomorrow hoping for a major transformation.  We’ll see.  When I was there on Saturday, all that was in place was part of the ceiling grid.  Yikes!  Walls and floors and plumbing and electricity and painting all need to be done and then I will still need a week or so to get the phones and computers and furniture in place.  Now don’t fret yet out there…just like Extreme Home Makeover, Frank will pull it off.  He has the crews working the weekends too to make up some of the time lost. 

Now here’s a question for the group (do I sound like your old high school English teacher?): I am looking to put in a really cool reception desk (read cheap but colorful) and am having a really hard time finding one, anyone got any good ideas?  Get your creative juices flowing!  See the problem is that the desk has to have several different elements.  First, it needs to be approachable (read low and inviting) in front but have higher sides to make it comfortable for people to write on the counter (read pay me).  In addition, there needs to be some storage space, space for a computer and printer, and some leg privacy (read varicose veins) for my staff.  Ideally I am looking for something that is U shaped and can be composed of several individual pieces that work.  So, there is a FREE HOME VISIT for anyone that comes up with really cool reception desk (read cheap but hip)!  Remember, I have Java colored floors and so a dark wood will be too heavy…painted wood or metal are fine.  Let the submissions begin!

Hey, I am not joking here….email me at drmolly@birminghampediatrics.com or submit ideas with a comment on the blog and YOU could win a deluxe home visit (read free and whenever you want it).

Eat, love and play and each day will be your best!

P.S.  After having done 9 home visits today, I can tell you they are POPULAR so submit away and one can be yours!  Do I sound like a used car salesman? 

Molly O’Shea, MD  Birmingham Pediatrics + Wellness Center

www.birminghampediatrics.com 

Father’s day 2008 June 15, 2008

First off, Happy Father’s Day to all you dads out there!  I love holidays like this one.  The emphasis isn’t on presents or hoopla but just on family.  Today, my brother Chuck, his wife Amy, and their kids Charley (15), Maggie (13), and Annie (8), came over along with my other brother Tom, my parents and Amy’s parents.  We all hung out and ate ourselves silly and chatted and really enjoyed each other.  I am very fortunate to live so close to all of my siblings, my parents and my in-laws (who are away in Ireland this week).  I grew up with my aunts and uncles and cousins all around me and believe me my family was far from ideal but I grew up knowing my roots, my heritage, and my family’s criminal record (just kidding!).  I remember when I was my nephew Charley’s age and started hanging around the ‘adult table’ at all the family gatherings, listening to my family talk about the energy crisis and inflation and politics and errant relatives.  I learned about real life in this way….it wasn’t perfect but it was much more real that anything I was learning at Holy Name!  My relatives were all typically Irish when I was a kid and the liquor was flowing which even as a child I realized wasn’t always a good thing.  My relatives never fought with each other or were mean when they drank, they just got a little less reasoned and a little bit louder and at times more emotional with weeping and laughing.  Interestingly, my brothers and I rarely drink….Chuck never and Tom and I only occasionally and without excess.  I think we were all affected by my family’s excesses and have responded in our own way.  Today, on Father’s Day, I encourage all of us parents to examine those parts of our lives that may not be oppressive or damaging in any overt way to our children but that we know we do to excess.  It needn’t be something unhealthy, indeed sometimes those things which are most honorable can be damaging in ways unexpected to our kids. 

Looking at my life, I see many flaws and excesses.  I love to work and it is easily justified because I am helping others but there are times when work overtakes what should be family time.  I am ambivilent about these times…..of course I love my kids and never want them to ever feel that they are taking a back seat to my work life but in reality sometimes they do.  Sometimes, I need to work when they would rather have me at home or on a field trip.  Sometimes, I need to work when there is something important like a school conference or Declan’s IEP….and at these times I feel guilty and terrible that I am not there.  But there are other times when I CHOOSE to work; not to avoid my family but just because I like it very much and it meets my needs.  This sometimes happens with exercise for me too, and naps, and blogging!  I know that these sorts of excesses are healthier than excessive drinking but I am not sure if the sense of being out of control that I felt as a kid as I watched my relatives lose control is any different than the sense of lack of control my kids have when I am engrossed in my work or running or blogging for that matter.  Being with the kids meets needs for me too and that makes the balance a bit easier to achieve but it is still a high wire balancing act I am a novice at. 

Luckily I have a net under me, Kevin.  As many of you know, Kevin has been home with our kids since Mairen was born almost 12 years ago.  He has loved his role as parent.  Kevin is a fantastic parent.  Being with the kids is incredibly fulfilling for him and he gains so much positive energy from his role as father.  I am glad for that.  I also know that this creates some friction at times between us.  I don’t view things the same way he does.  Although I live for the kids in many ways, I also have to work and this balance, going on for years now, has resulted in differences between us.  He cannot imagine missing anything at school that is of import and although I would rather not miss anything, there are times that I do.  This difference plays itself out in big and small ways.  He is engaged with the kids all the time in ways I am not and as a result, he knows them differently and I dare say better in some areas.  This was a hard reality to accept and yet I know that I bring an important and different element to our parenting.  We balance each other and listen to each other and occasionally disagree and have to let one or the other of us make whatever decision needs to be made.  On this Father’s Day, let me say that I am happy to have Kevin as my partner in raising the kids….I am lucky that I don’t have to do this on my own.  And Kevin is lucky too.

Happy Father’s Day.

Eat, love and play and each day will be your best!

Molly O’Shea, MD  Birmingham Pediatrics + Wellness Center

www.birminghampediatrics.com 

Skidmore, Inc. my new favorite company June 14, 2008

Yesterday was a busy, busy day.   I had several scheduled home visits and a couple of same day add ons with some favorite patients.  It was nice to reconnect with the families that I haven’t seen in a while.  Near the end of the day I met with Tim Smith the president of Skidmore Inc, a creative marketing firm in Royal Oak http://www.skidmorestudio.com/we/index.html.  I have been searching for a web designer who can listen to what I am interested in doing and not try to pigeon hole me into a template whether it be a medical website or a lifestyle website.  I have met with a freelancer, a medium sized local firm, and a big national firm that specializes in medical sites and didn’t feel that any of them were the right fit.  I was about to choose the medical site builder just to have something that would be good up and running when Tim emailed me.  Tim and Colleen’s boys have been patients of mine for 15 years and typical of me I had no idea what either parent did for a living.  When Tim heard the news of my new venture, he read my blogs and had someone else in his firm read them too and suggested that we meet and talk about what we could do together.  Before Tim had any idea of the scope of the site I wanted (with interactive areas, community features, databases with rotating content, surveys, medical and health info, and on and on) he offered to do the work for free for me.  I knew that was a gift too big to accept given the huge vision I have for the site and told him that we could talk first and if it seemed a good pairing discuss the details of payment. 

What a joy it was to meet with him and Christopher at their offices.  Their office is great….just above Palazzolo in Royal Oak with exposed ceilings and open spaces divided into two sections–the creative side and the marketing side.  What makes this firm different though from all the others I have talked to is that they wanted to talk not about the site I wanted to build but about my vision for the practice, my patients, the focus on wellness and got to know ME.  I feel that this new venture is a strong personal statement in many ways and is different from other pediatric practices in ways that are both tangible and intangible.  I talked about the fact that I wanted the site to meet the needs of the families visiting it, that the whole concept of the care I want to provide in the office is patient centered, that I am doing home visits to help facilitate that and that I want an emphasis on whole person health–mental, physical, and emotional.  We discussed the process the site production will go through as well as the logo production and I could tell that the organic process of getting to know me, my clients, my business and my dreams will make the site just what I am looking for.  I am thrilled!  It seems that Tim and Christopher operate in a way similar to mine….they get to know the people they will be working with and in doing so will create a great product.  I believe strongly that getting to know my patients and their families in a variety of ways ends up enhancing care.  Anyone can look in ears and do a strep test or even diagnose and treat more serious illnesses but if you feel disconnected from that person, feel that person isn’t invested in your child I believe strongly that the outcome is different and less complete.  By knowing you and your children, I can listen better, hear subtleties and nuances, see the ‘different’ look of a child and perhaps these little things can add up to making a more precise diagnosis or managing a problem that is challenging more effectively.  Of course, just like getting to know my patients and helping them through a big issue, a project the size of my website can’t be done in two weeks so we are shooting for early August.  I will keep you posted as we make decisions.  Let me know though what you are looking for in my site in particular please!

I also had a conference call with Audra from e-MDs my EMR company to talk about the schedule for implementation and we are on track.  This week I have some real homework to do though to get the data she needs to upload into my system…stuff like the pharmacies, insurance companies, referring physicians, etc. so that when I open on August 4th all will be ready to go.  I made the plane reservations for Austin for the training for Pat, my mom and me and feel like things are really starting to move at a fast clip.  Over the next two weeks I will be spending a lot of time in front of my computer screen so if I look a little bug-eyed you will know why!

At the very end of the day, I wrote a gigantic check to my computer guy, Mike, for the hardware and phone system.  The phone system will be great.  Day or night, you will be able to leave a message for an appointment, prescription refill, or a referral.  If you wake up at 2 am with a sick child and know you want him/her to be seen the next morning, you can just call and leave a message and my staff will call you back before the office opens and get you in that morning (or at the time of your choice).  NICE!

I am so excited about the fact that I will be building a website I will be happy with I want you to check out Skidmore’s site http://www.skidmorestudio.com/we/index.html and click on ‘know’ in the banner to find the ‘interactive’ portfolio and you will see why they will be a great firm for me.  There is a ton of variety in the clients they serve and the look of the finished products which tells me that they are interested in the vision of the business.  Woo Hoo!

Eat, love and play and each day will be your best!

Molly O’Shea, MD  Birmingham Pediatrics + Wellness Center

www.birminghampediatrics.com

 

scary June 12, 2008

Transistions are hard.  Starting kindergarten can be scary.  Staying home alone when your parents go out for the evening takes real courage.  Learning to drive is great but also stressful for most teenagers.  Telling your parents you aren’t exactly going to follow all of their rules anymore is dicey.  Going from being single to married has bumps as you learn to love and live together.  Leaving your job of 13 years is no different.  There are days that are easy and happy and wonderful.  Days filled with the excitement of realizing dreams and determining your own future and days full of worry about whether patients will feel comfortable leaving the familiar surroundings of the old practice.  I have no doubt about my decision to realize my dreams and no doubt that I will have plenty of families interested in following me but still, some days it is hard. 

Today was one of those scary days.  I hired my first real employee today and had to do it all on my own.  In the past, I have had an office manager who did this sort of thing, she would interview the candidates, have a salary package and job description at hand and she was able to answer all the questions.  I just had me, sitting across a table at Starbucks, talking to Pat Demorest about my vision for the practice and my needs and wants in an employee.  Luckily I know Pat a bit and so I could show my strengths and weaknesses freely and share with her my need to make this project a collaborative one since I haven’t done it exactly this way before.  Pat was terrific.  She will make a great nurse for the practice.  She has spent the last few years doing pediatric home care and before that did research and worked in the NICU.  One of the things she is most excited about is getting to know the families in the practice….interact and share information and support them.  She will make a great addition to the team.  My mom of course is on the team and she will be learning the billing portion of my emr by coming with me to Austin after the 4th of July for training and Pat has agreed to come and learn the charting portion.  NICE! 

I still have more jobs to fill and will be talking turkey with Chuck’s mother-in-law on Fathers Day about working for me but having gotten the first interview under my belt, the scary feeling is lessening.  Whew!

Eat, love and play and each day will be your best!

Molly O’Shea, MD  Birmingham Pediatrics + Wellness Center

www.birminghampediatrics.com

Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy? June 11, 2008

I have a secret to tell you….I am WEAK!  I mean really, really weak.  I spent an hour this morning at the gym with my good friend Liz Powers and she was trying hard to get a good workout in while I was content just chatting and distracting her.  I did ride my bike to the gym (and patted myself on the back for that one at least 15 times during that hour) and I would have to say that was the most work I did.  Liz wanted to do 30 minutes on the elliptical before doing weights and I pooped out after 10 minutes.  She kept going but with my yakking as I stood there staring at her, little beads of well earned sweat forming on her brow, she too caved in and we headed over to the weight area.  Now bear in mind there was a time not too long ago when I was actually sort of in shape.  I don’t mean bikini wearing shape but at least lift up the gallon of milk without whining shape.  Anyhoo, that was a while ago and when Liz asked me what I wanted to work on, I quickly answered arms and abs.  MISTAKE!!!!  You see Liz has actually worked with a personal trainer and knows what she’s doing!  We started with some freeweights and were doing stuff to work the little used muscles of my shoulders.  I was supposed to stand on this thing called a bosu ball and balance while lifting teeny tiny weights out front and over my head and who knows where but all I kept doing was falling off the stupid bosu!  I know yesterday’s blog was about being out of balance but this experience gave that a whole new meaning!  Finally Liz (trying hard not to laugh herself silly) encouraged me just to stand on terra firma and do these reps.  When in life would you ever have to balance on a ball while lifting something over your head anyway?  I didn’t feel so bad then when I figured that out and promptly did the reps, whining the entire time and attempting to distract Liz so she wouldn’t notice that I was cheating and only doing 10 instead of 12 reps.  Sadly enough for me she was watching me like a hawk and I couldn’t get away with it.  Darn IT!  She also had me do this thing where you grab onto two handles attached to pulleys attached to weights and face out (sort of like being on the rack but standing up) and then pull the handles forward and make a face like the Incredible Hulk.  I was really trying but my left arm just kept wimping out…..screaming things like, “what the heck are you doing??” and “we were perfectly happy wimpy, why change now???”  Eventually I asked Liz if I could just use my right arm and do these….apparently a VERY stupid question since she practically peed her pants laughing and responded that I wouldn’t want one ‘chicken arm’ and one ‘beefy arm’.  Of course that assumes I ever actually do this weight thing again and I didn’t have the heart to tell Liz that as much as I love her, I am not sure that meeting at the gym is in our future.  We finished with the Roman Chair doing a series of knee-ups with a ball between our legs and let me tell you that is NO FUN.  I don’t know exactly what water boarding is but this Roman Chair thing and the Incredible Hulk rack thing along with bosu ball seem great forms of turture and would certainly work on terrorists.  I going to send a memo to George W. 

After I biked home, feeling proud of myself for having exercised, I promptly at a cupcake and chex mix for a snack….hey I had earned it!  Then on my sugar and carb high I cleaned the house.  Actually I instructed the kids to clean the house while I vacuumed.  I figured what better way to celebrate the first day of summer vacation than to clean!  What kid wouldn’t want to do THAT to welcome in the lazy days of summer?  After lunch, the boys and I went to the pool while Mairen spent the afternoon at the library and Kevin did work for camprx.  I ran into Liz at the pool and thought about forcing her to swim laps with me to torture her but I got a sudden wave of laziness and didn’t even swim them myself. 

I indulged myself today…no home visits, only a few phone calls, wimpy and quarter-hearted attempts at exercise and lots of R and R.  A necessary thing for all of us at times.  Maybe I am not so weak after all….maybe I just needed a day to recharge and tomorrow I will attack the bosu ball and the incredible hulk machine and even the roman chair with vigor.  Or maybe, I will just turn over and sleep for an extra hour instead.

Eat, love and play and each day will be your best!\

Molly O’Shea, MD  Birmingham Pediatrics + Wellness Center

www.birminghampediatrics.com

off balance! June 10, 2008

Summer vacation officially started for my kids today at noon.  I remember the last day of school at Holy Name where I spent my grade school and middle school years….it was spent in an incredibly hot school with no air conditioning, wearing a wool blend uniform, and cleaning our desks and mopping the floors and getting the school ready for its hibernation.  The excitement I felt each June for the swimclub and biking around the neighborhood and staying up late was balanced with a sense of sadness that the school year was at an end.  You see, I was a nerd.  I LOVED school.  I looked forward to the next grade, the new things I would learn and thought that the whole summer was a long time to wait.  Not that I didn’t love softball and swim team and my friends but I loved school.  My kids seem to have adopted this same love of school and over the weekend, they made their summer binders and plan to fill them with math and reading and stories.  They are not being directed by us, this is their idea.  Nice to love learning.

It is this love of learning that has challenged me to not stay in the same place in my work life.  The departure from my old practice was bitter sweet, I knew I needed to move on in order to grow and do the things I had been envisioning but the summer without work loomed large.  I am adapting well now, just as I did as a kid, not only by keeping my connections with my patients through the home visits and doing all of the buildout and tech stuff needed to get things up and running but also by starting to have some times of the day where I am actually doing nothing productive at all.  I have never been great at balance in my life.  When I start a new activity, whether it be knitting or running or opening a new practice, it sort of gets a life of its own.  I get consumed by it and this time, I am trying to have a more measured approach by spending time swimming or baking or playing with the kids and not spend every minute of every day focused on the new venture.  It is a work in progress it seems.  I still find myself talking to patients on the phone at the swimclub and checking my email while the cookies are in the oven but I will continue to work on achieving a healthy balance in my life.  Now that the kids are out of school, they will help force me to find a better balance with the inevitable nagging about why am I still on the phone or doing my email.  Thank goodness for the kids!

Eat, love and play and each day will be your best!

Molly O’Shea, MD  Birmingham Pediatrics + Wellness Center

www.birminghampediatrics.com

Lovin’ the home visits and wantin’ to expand June 9, 2008

Don’t go out and get yourselves all pregnant again just to avail yourself of this, but I have a great idea.  I have enjoyed the home visits so much that I think one way to continue them in ‘real’ practice is to put together a newborn home visit package.  For the first three months of a newborn’s life, I could come to the house for all of the visits….all the weight checks and check ups and visits to discuss breast feeding and poop and reflux and colic and if needed post partum depression.  Now of course I can’t do this for every newborn or I would never be at work, but I could do it for up to 4 or 5 newborns each month.  I would have to charge something for this service of course in addition to billing insurance for the visits but I think it could be really a good idea. 

Can you tell I love the home visits????  Tonight I was thinking about how to structure these regular home visits going forward.  I can’t do an unlimited number of them each day and still run a practice and see my kids but I could do one before work, one at lunchtime and one on my way home.  Parents could call (or leave a message overnight) requesting one and if it is available then I could do it.  I have been thinking about what to charge for this too since it will take me out of the office for some time and am still working that out but based on the interest in the home visits so far I think it could work.

Let me know your thoughts, suggestions, comments….there is no template for this sort of thing and since I am making it up as I go along, I need some input!

Eat, love and play and each day will be your best!

Molly O’Shea, MD  Birmingham Pediatrics + Wellness Center

www.birminghampediatrics.com

Feisty June 8, 2008

Stormy weather put off the event I was supposed to attend today and I was ticked off.  I had worked my way up to being ready, armed with current event topics and humorous anecdotes and darn it, I had to use them with the kids and Kevin instead!  They were not impressed….apparently my sadness at Hillary Clinton’s departure from the race and my interest in her concession speech fell on deaf ears….Mairen is an Obama supporter and all the men in my family are voting for McCain.  I suppose I wouldn’t necessarily have had a better reception at the event today anyway.  I like a good heated discussion sometimes though and sadly enough my family has learned when I am luring them into a trap and avoids discussing politics with me when I am in a feisty mood. 

I have been in a feisty mood all day.  It started off with a long bike ride to Zorba’s for the brothers breakfast.  I was about 1 mile into the ride when I slipped my water bottle out of the cage and took a swig only to drop it and then ride over it with my bike spilling all the contents.  Not a great start to the first longish ride of the season but I picked up my bottle and cap and rode on.  About a mile later I realized I was really huffing and puffing.  Crap.  I had forgotten to use my inhaler before going out on the ride and the combo of being incredibly out of shape and the humidity conspired against me.  I coughed my way to my brother’s house and snuck up on my sister-in-law Amy as she was taking out the trash.  I didn’t intend to sneak up on her but she had the gaul to be walking out just as I was stealthily arriving!  I completely startled her but since there aren’t very many asthmatic criminals wearing bike racing suits and helmets, she wasn’t scared for long.  I borrowed an inhaler from my nephew Charley (thanks!!!) and went on my way.  I still arrived at Zorba’s before my brothers and had a chance to regain control of my breathing so that by the time they arrived I was just sitting there acting like nothing happened….that I just ride like this all the time…no big deal.  Unfortunately, when I attempted to get up after breakfast and my legs were so heavy and stiff that I sort of waddled out of the restaurant and my cover was blown!  The ride home was at about 1030 and by then the winds were really whipped up and man did it slow me down!  I did arrive home in one piece and with my heart and lungs intact but my face was beet red for about 2 hours and the reminder that I am not in shape yet for the season made me feisty too.

The afternoon at the swimclub was great but even there I found myself in a heated discussion with a most wonderful friend over the phone…..why couldn’t I just leave well enough alone today?????

So then when the evening became stormy and the picnic was cancelled I was annoyed…..the kids were sick of my contrarian attitude and so was Kevin and then the power went out.  Sometimes nature knows best.  Without the distraction of TV or internet, I found myself playing 20 questions with the kids and then reading a long time to them before bed.  Mairen and I did a crossword puzzle together and Kevin and I just sat and talked for an hour or so.  Hard to stay feisty with such a wonderful end to the day.  Oh and I made up with the friend I had the heated discussion with too.  Nice.

Now I enter the week of home visits and the end of school for the kids will a sense of calm and peace.  A good feisty mood later put to rest is a good thing.

Eat, love and play and each day will be your best.

Molly O’Shea, MD  Birmingham Pediatrics + Wellness Center

www.birminghampediatrics.com

The inner child June 7, 2008

I really don’t feel like I am a 42 year old person.  I am not sure what I thought I would feel like at age 42, but not this!  I am supposed to be a grown-up, mature and measured.  I am supposed to be confident and sure of myself, comfortable in my own skin all the time and responsible.  I am supposed to not only set a good example but WANT to set a good example.  And yet, I find myself suprised when I look in the mirror and find the slightly saggy, soft and squishy me looking back.  I feel like I did 20 years ago and yet I look different.  My body has definitely matured but my soul hasn’t that much.  I still find myself hearing my mother’s voice in my ear when I get dressed and have chosen something ‘inappropriate’ for the day….like wearing shorts to a home visit or jeans to work.  I still feel that the chores of everyday life shouldn’t be on my shoulders, after all I never did chores as a child.  I feel far less confident than I thought I would about decisions I make as a parent and wonder if I am ever going to feel the way I perceived my mother as feeling: certain of nearly every choice she made.  Of course I know my mom was no more sure of herself than I am and of course I know that I am making good choices and bad ones, just as she did and yet I wonder if I am doing it right. 

When I was growing up, there seemed to be a clearer division between the generation of adults in life and the kids.  The adults always looked the part in suits or dresses and always went on airplanes in their Sunday best.  The adults always seemed so suave socially with grown up drinks and conversation.  I still get really nervous before going out to an event where I may not know anyone.  I don’t feel like I know what to say……I don’t remember my parents ever discussing poop with their friends!  I have never felt like an adult despite doing all the things adults are supposed to do.  I work hard, I am responsible and reliable and yet this seems to fall far short.  I feel like I am parading around playing an adult while underneath it all lies a young and still insecure person feeling her way through the world.  

In some ways it is because of this young person inside me that I am interested in going on this big adventure to open my own practice.  People keep saying things like, ”You are so brave!” but they just don’t get it.  A teenager who goes to Julliard to become a musician isn’t brave or smart, she just doesn’t feel that there is any chance of failure and therefore feels no risk despite the fact that the jobs available for musicians are few and far between.  As we get older, we are supposed to put that sort of thinking into perspective….still allow our dreams and passions some breathing room but only in the context of reality.  Teenagers balance this sense of invinsibility with a fragility that is unmatched.  A single word or look from the right person can turn them upside down.  I am still a teenager.  I am not brave, I am actually far from it.  I just can’t imagine this venture could fail and I can’t imagine that despite all the ‘downsides’ to a solo practice that I won’t love every bit of it.  I also know that through this journey, I am growing up and so far it isn’t as scary as I thought it would be.  Now will someone hold my hand at the party tomorrow night and do all the small talking for me? 

Eat, love and play and each day will be your best!

Molly O’Shea, MD  Birmingham Pediatrics + Wellness Center

www.birminghampediatrics.com